Wronged.

I felt wronged too.

The difference is I did not speak about it, I didn’t feel the need to. I felt that would give you some sort of power over me. I decided to let go. I decided “it’s okay, you mean more to me than your mistakes.

After letting someone hurt me for the longest time, I eventually became numb towards it. It was like – bring it on, what do you have next?

But I feel like unloading my heart now. It feels heavy, suffocating. I feel torn. Torn between being strong (or maybe not, because since when is accepting whatever shit people throw at you make you strong?) and being insecure.

So I detach. Act unaffected. Move away. Do things like putting my phone off. Is it really for me to get clarity lest I make a stupid move? Or is it because I am hurting and feel safer far from human contact.

I get close to people in an odd way. I could take a bullet for some people in my life, yet keep an arm’s distance – for my own safety. My heart is being protected, I don’t give a fuck about my life. Or death.

She doesn’t know what she’s saying.

One question I have been asked most in my life so far. “What’s wrong with you?”. One question I don’t know how to answer. I look at them and wonder….why don’t you try to find out….

Many things we say and do on everyday basis are a call for help. I recognize one too because I have been there. I am still there. And sometimes you want to be there for someone so badly yet you cannot because you have been told not to be around. Was I that bad an effect on someone…

Anyway.

I felt wronged too.

I felt wronged when you got angry at me based on assumptions, and left me a number of messages, including words like : I’ll pay you for all the photos you clicked of mine. All the photos I had taken out of love. And then you blocked me.

I felt wronged when you felt ignored and instead of sharing that fact with me and hearing my side of the story, you decided that the friendship is over and left me messages to declare it’s over. And blocked me.

I felt wronged when I couldn’t fall in love with you the way you did, and you decided to exhale all the negativity and hurtful words on a social media platform – making me look like a girl who played with you. You were important. I still miss that friend so much. But then you blocked me.

I felt wronged when you did not tell me about your engagement or the wedding. The ten years of knowing each other very closely ended up with me being blocked from every possible place. As if I would hurt your chances at happiness.

I felt wronged because you couldn’t be sensitive towards my situation in life. When you reminded me what I didn’t have and what I was missing, rather hurtfully. I will be a mother one day. And I would want every woman to experience that if she wishes for that. I won’t tell a woman to “get your own baby” if she wanted to hold mine for a while.

I felt wronged when I was expected to get married at a certain point because hey, people ask. You made me feel as if it was all my fault. Was it my fault? It did not happen then. It’s happening now. And everyone is very happy. I always knew there will be a time when there will be happiness because of something that I would decide to do. I decided to wait. You ran out of patience and you really hurt me at the worst phase of my life.

..

I am feeling drained….It’s difficult for me that I just don’t forget things. I forgive. I love everyone. But somehow, people leave hands very easily. Like it meant nothing.

Life is short.

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2 thoughts on “Wronged.

  1. I felt wronged when you called me Ugly and uneducated ( because I am neither MBA nor engineer, typical arranged marriage materiel)
    I felt wronged when you ‘used’ , yes USED me for my contacts and skills when you clearly knew that everything I did , I did for love.
    I felt wronged when you said ‘ my husband thinks, you are too fat to wear shorts’ .

    I felt wronged when you said ‘ get married. you are too fat to get pregnant in mid thirties’.

    AND IT GOES ON AND ON

    We all have buried those words deep inside our hearts and we all pretend like they were never uttered. But then we can only take a vow to never be like those people…

    Liked by 1 person

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