No Grey Matter.

The noises are blocked and Jay Jay Johanson is talking to me…. “Suffering”

Nobody suffers like I do, nobody else but you.

Gosh, I love his voice. Rare artists… underrated and beautiful. Anyway, I am glad I heard him some 15 years ago. His music just works for my senses. I have not asked anyone I know to listen to him..

How did I find him? Someone I used to chat with, on a platform called “mIRC” used to listen to him and he shared the song. I fell in love..

Not with this person, I fell in love with the artist. Yes, I do remember that I totally enjoyed how this person used to talk – I remember I used to have these long chats with him. Some people have the ability to engage you in a conversation and get the feelings out of you. That was the time when there were no emojis, no “display pictures” even. We did not even reveal our names, pretty much Anonymous. Wow, that was the time when there were real conversations, even if my expression was mostly gibberish to most. I was always someone who thought differently and it was not often that I met some one who got my weirdness. I cannot remember if this person did either…but there were conversations for sure. I am just feeling a sharp tinge of nostalgia and craving for the simplicity of those times. I know it ain’t ever coming back.

There was one white screen and text in black. The smileys looked like 🙂 😉 😦 ;`(

Hours went without using emojis. Yes, real conversations where one used a sentence to express and not the emoji. Say, “I am happy!”. Say, “I hate you”, “I love you” .. don’t hide anymore.

I have been on the internet for the longest time, longer than most of the people my age. I was the kid who did not have many friends “In real life”, ever and did not even feel the need of one. The voices in my head have always been enough.

There are a few characters.

Anyway. So I had these IDs on the Internet who I chatted with when I was bored. It was fun. Bloody Facebook ruined it!

My favorite applications are still Twitter and WordPress. It is still a white screen and black text and I am not compelled to use emojis to express myself, words are enough.

For me, honest words are enough. I like proper expression. Honest expression… a bare naked soul. Why save your honesty for the therapist? Why reach that place? Why not speak your heart out – black or white. I don’t like gray except on hoodies or curtains. The soul is either black or it is white. Some days it’s black; some white. Never grey. Grey is a lie.

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