I never said Goodbye

2020 – did I do a proper farewell? No… I never do. I just move from one day to the other and just like that I am in the new year. It’s another story that I still end up writing 2020 or typing 2020 as the current year. Maybe that is because I never said goodbye. I suck at those anyway. I have always been….’this cannot be the end, we will meet again’ kind of person.

If you think, every time you meet a loved one, it could be the last time. Scary. That thought could make anybody anxious, don’t think about it. Nevermind! Delete.

So, dear 2020, you will always be a very special year of my life. Despite of what was happening in the world and what led to a totally ‘non-happening’ life when we were locked up inside the house, it was an year where things finally happened for me in one sense. I moved into a home with my husband and we built it throughout the year with love, care and a few hiccups. It was the year when I stopped saying this sentence that I was saying since years. “I want to go away.” This year, I was home, I did not want to go away. I wanted to stay and stay forever. Now, it is a challenge to take me out of this home! I have become a literal home-body. One with the couch, the bed, the table, the tv, the curtains, the kitchen. Oh my kitchen – I kiss it goodnight, every night.

2020 – you were also the year when my breasts and my hair were always hanging lose. Free. Lockdown Party!!! Also, being home alone does that to us women. We usually ditch the bra. I did gain a lil weight and I am correcting that in 2020 2021. My pajamas already seem to be fitting better. Yes pajamas also got tight! Let’s not even talk about the pants. Will go to the pants section to try one after a couple of months. Why invite disappointment?

I have been nonchalant. But happy.

In 2020 I finally had a kitchen all to myself and BOY, I RULE. I enjoy cooking so much and I have managed to make some delicious things for myself and the man. He is still not fat so I am glad I am not doing the wrong kind of cooking. He has been making my tea and I have been cooking his breakfast, lunch and dinner. There is an occasional maggi that he cooks – and it’s to dramatically fake-die for. It is fab. Now you know how I gained the weight. let’s blame him for everything.

2020 – You made me live with a person, 24 hours in a day, for 2 months. There was a nationwide lockdown and we diligently followed the rules. Looking back, I am glad I married this guy. Those months were so much fun and when the lockdown was finally lifted, both of us felt a little sad that the holidays were over! hahaha

2020 – It was about realizations too. Relationships – be it within the family or your friendships outside the family, they work when people are there for each other. Being there definitely does not mean being there in person. Most of the times, a well-meaning, well-expressed honest word is enough. At least for me, words are enough to make me feel that someone is happy or sad for my happiness or pain. I felt that a couple of people I could not help but expect from let me down. Maybe I must have let them down in the past too and the relationships had been getting sour without me realizing that, because nothing was voiced from either side. And then, when these people weren’t there – in actions or words, it pinched and it still does. I expected, I was disappointed and then I distanced. It’s definitely better being out of someone’s life than being a part of it and viewing it as an outsider. I’ve often felt like one and it is not a pleasant feeling. So, I wish well and gracefully exit. On the other hand, there were quite a few people who made me feel valued , loved and cared for. I am not letting these people go. Blessing.

Summing up, 2020 was fun. I did not catch Corona, neither did anybody from our families. Phew! I hope we stay safe. I hope you and your family stays safe!

Thank you, 2020 – YOU ROCKED.

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