This post is for the people afflicted with the mental illness called Depression – be it major, clinical or bipolar….
Mine’s pretty much a bipolar disorder because the theme is always Kabhi Khushi aur achanak se gham.
There are moments I am absolutely fine and the next moment I find myself struggling to stand up and walk. I have no idea how it drains the energy like that. Like…a vacuum cleaner sucks the dirt, depression sucks the energy out of the body. Yesterday was one of those days. And off late, I have been able to recognize it when it’s approaching. I knew it was going to suck me in the trap and I was feeling particularly drained. Today, I cannot believe I was in the bed crying and trapped all day. I am absolutely fine. I am not on any medication currently – that was in 2019. I managed 2020 – except a couple of months. That’s when my doc pprescribed these mood stabilizers as well, to be taken only when I really needed to. I don’t take them as often as I used to; I have been able to push the episodes away, have been fighting them. But yesterday was one of those days when I just succumbed and fell. I took the pill in the evening after spending the day in bed. Maybe I should have taken it as soon as I realized I was trapped.
Anyway. There were a few things that sort of helped me finally get up though.
1- Hot water bath. It helped me feel a bit better and I could manage to get my lunch.
2- Fill your plate with your favorite food. If you are not able to cook, then there’s always ready-to-eat Maggi. Or if you are a potato person like me, boil some and make a chat, or slice them as fries and fry some chips. If you like cheese (cheese helps people who are serotonin deficient.), just make a delish cheese sandwich with tea/coffee. Or soup. Soup is always good….you need something warm. Or sweet..
Just avoid alcohol & cigarettes.
3- Go for a walk. Yes I know, it takes a lot of energy to even think of a walk at that time even though you love nature. But trust me, it never ever fails. Spend 30 minutes in a park or anywhere green, with your music or a podcast on….or just walk with your thoughts. Clear your head.
4- Force yourself to write or count ten things you are thankful for. It could be people, your skills, your home, your pet, a colleague, a kind stranger, a plant that makes you smile, a tv show or a book you really enjoy….anything. Just anything or anybody who makes you smile….or feel comforted.
5- Call someone you can trust. I’d call my mom or my husband. Though I did not speak to either of them yesterday. I just wanted to be alone (as is the case with most of us when an episode strikes). So maybe when you are feeling slightly better, you can reach out and just ask them about their day.
6- Avoid Instagram. That’s all. Avoid social media. It does not help at all. Not me at least. I even seeked a bit of love on Twitter and a couple of kind friends said beautiful things to me, they made me smile…but I did not get better. But yes, it made me smile. So yeah, try to stay where you know you might get some help. For me it’s always Twitter over Instagram as far as social media is concerned.
7- Watch a movie you’ve been meaning to watch. I started Black Friday last evening. Yeah man…in the middle of an episode, I played this movie that I have already seen twice. It’s about the 93 bomb blasts that rocked Bombay (now Mumbai).
8- Order dinner. I felt much better, in fact I could feel the bloody episode ending as soon as I placed the order. It was two plates of Chole Bhatoore from Haldiram’s. One for me, one for him.
9- Force yourself to smile. I managed.
I survived yesterday. I think being by myself, I fight it better. I become weak when someone who loves me a lot is around me… though it’s comforting. But fighting it alone really teaches you. I was of course glad when he got back home. We had the amazing chole bhatoore, saw Bigg Boss and slept. I slept well.
Today has been pleasant. Going to finish Black Friday.