I miss him..

I have everything that I need to do what I want to do. But here I am.. moping around .. listening to sappy romantic numbers and missing him.

I am missing the same person I fight with every day and makeup with the next moment. I am such a phony I tell you. I tell him – leave me alone, I want to live alone, randomshit. And the day I have to spend time alone, without him around – I am lost, like right now. I was excited in the morning, giving him bags to pack his stuff…looking forward to the rest of my day. But now, it’s time he usually gets back home but I know he is staying a couple (or more) nights 30 minutes away from home (at his parent’s place), and I am suffering from separation anxiety. I am missing him…more than usual. I don’t want to do anything, I just want him to be back. I want him to wear his stupid shorts that I hate, I won’t mind if he stays busy on his ps4 – I just need the presence. I want to have dinner with him watching something on tv, like we do every day. I want to gossip and laugh and talk crap till we sleep…Ugh. It’s kind of disgusting that I am so dependent on another human being and not able to enjoy my own company the way I thought I would. Such a sham. I had big hopes from myself, the solitude queen! hahah apparently, I am a lovesick puppy who needs her soulmate around after a few hours. I am a beagle, I need my partner!

So I am packing my stuff and going over to my parents’ place again tomorrow, after spending a couple of days last weekend. Well, I never get enough of them so they are always fun to be around. I will ignore what needs to be ignored and focus on the positives. Papa’s birthday weekend was special and it’s like I never want to really leave but then I have a home of my own now – and I love it to bits too. So I feel torn apart because of my own attachments, not because anybody asks me to be there with them. I am a clingy kid.

It.s 8:30 pm and I shall boil water for my dinner, I am having cuppa noodles with some air fried snacks with coke with lots of ice.

How classy. lol. Good night~


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