Haha crap.

Since the last two days, I’ve been writing in the private blog. I have been writing more in terms of number of words and the honesty in words. What’s stopping me here? Familiarity? The fact that someone I may know in real life might read it? Should it matter?

It’s 1:15 am and I’m in my bathroom, just getting some space. I have been crying. Because I was hurting since Saturday night and didn’t/couldn’t express it at the right time. So basically, it was suppressed pain that finally came out tonight. I threw things around and yelled. I cried and was left to sleep crying. It sometimes comes to this. Maybe this is what they mean when they say someone is hard to love. Maybe I’m making it hard. Maybe I’m the one who’s playing the victim. Being toxic.

I don’t know. Not tonight. I can’t think tonight.

I’m baring my soul on this very public blog. Maybe I’ll delete it..but probably won’t. No-one reads it anyway. “Long posts”. Doesn’t matter.

Let it be. I want to be 100% honest, this is my outlet. Fuck you. I don’t agree with you. You don’t understand what kind of love I’ve given. What kind of love was rejected and what kind of love killed me. I thought I’d killed myself a few years ago. The debris keeps coming up once in a while though.

Not a good night. 💛

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