Warning: Sad post.

I got lucky. The other day I met both my grandmothers under the same roof. How often does it happen for a person in denial about her own mid life crisis to be surrounded by the love and affection of both naani and daadi? Not often. Things like these make you feel immensely grateful in life. The husbands of both these women (my loving grandfathers) are not alive, at least not physically. No one you love really dies till you yourself perish. It’s just that you cannot touch them anymore, can’t hear their voice, the companion of years is suddenly not there anymore to love and fight with. That one person who was the center of your life is not around anymore and you have no body to be concerned about.. at least not as concerned about. I cannot imagine the emptiness and void they, and everyone who loses the spouse feels. I don’t even want to think about it. When I pray, I pray for the long, happy, healthy lives of everyone I love and that I go before they do. I don’t think I could ever deal with a pain that deep, that massive.

How do people do it? People do it! And people miraculously move on as well. But some die of the heartbreak too. Animals do too. It’s all very sad and I don’t know why this post, that started with gratitude has taken this morbid tone. But that is what is inside this head right now, so that is what is out on the paper.. err, screen actually.

I should go and make tortillas, there is no Alexa to prepare my dinner tonight. I will try not to talk about death now onwards. What is the point really?

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